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Tuesday, February 14, 2006 

V is for vagina

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm a big fan of the
Vagina Monologues, and being bisexual and a sensuous, sexual, woman, a big fan of the vagina itself. If you haven't seen the Monologues performed, you simply must!

The Monologues are typically performed in an intimate room, filled with feminists, uncomfortable men, pussy pins, cookies that look like vaginas, and women yelling, "I LOVE MY CUNT! CUUUUUUUUUNT!"

I've seen the Vagina Monolugues four times -- and I love it in a different way each time. The first viewing was at the local college and consequently my husband's and my first date. My good friend, R, who had set us up, was performing the monologue of "The Woman Who Loved to Make Vagina's Happy" -- in which a dominatrix for women discusses the intriguing details of her career and her love of giving women pleasure, with very humerous undertones. To further support R, and because we loved the performance so much, we also went to see her perform that same season in another city close by.

The following year, there was a production of V.M. in Kansas City. Margot Kidder, in all of her wrinkled splendor and raspy smoker's voice performed several of the monologues. I got tickets for my husband for Valentine's Day. Even with a star like Margot, the performance was nothing like that of the little feminist production in my home town, but was still extremely enjoyable, especially sitting in the front row so close to three women speaking of pussies and the like.

A couple of years after that, my friend did the same part of the dominatrix for women and I went to see her again -- alone this time -- at a wonderful, favorite local venue and it was every bit as good as I had remembered it the first time. There, I tried to catch the eye of a lovely lesbian, but failed in my attempts, but had a fabulous time anyway.

Today is Valentine's Day; today is Vagina Day.

I would like to dedicate this post to all of the vaginas in Bloggersville. Please help me with this one.

The following is a portion borrowed from the Vagina Monologues. Leave what your vagina would verbalize in my comments, or add it to the end of this list, after mine*, then paste into your blog. If you don't own a vagina, fathom what it was say if you did.

If your vagina could talk, what would it say?

More, please.

Where's Mark?

Feed me.

Where have you been?

Come inside.

Enter at your own risk.

Thank you.

*What the fuck? Are you crazy? We don't bite it.

*Can she join us?

*You can't just hop on the clit. Slow Down.

*Right there, oh, ya... don't stop, please don't stop... your tongue feels so good... Faster... Finger me! Oh, that's so good... you going to fuck me when you're done? Mmmmmm... you're going to make me cum... don't stop... I'm going to cum... yes... yes... Fuck! FUCK! I'm cumming!! I'm cumming... oh, God, I'm cumming.


~Love from your cyber vagina (i)

Happy ValentineĀ“s day....and nice blog...very nice blog!!!

How about a nice, wet kiss?

And trust me, it's not that easy to find girls to sleep with. I've been on a dry spell since July!

Crime scene sex is sex on your period, when the bed ends up looking like a crime scene...bloody handprints and smears all over the place.


... higher... no higher.

In Seattle the V-monologues performances get borderline out of control... it's fantastic. I've interpreted a handful of them over the years. Talk about discretion in the workplace... eventually I let up on that, as I really favor being part of the audience.

alwaysaroused... a boyfriend of mine used to call tampons "crime stoppers" which always elicited a laugh... it was something he could write on a grocery list and safely carry around without losing his ManPass.

Cool ~ Thank you! And thanks for stopping by!

Britni ~ July?!?! You poor girl. Where are you located again? :)

AAG ~ Love it! It's amazing how much I've learned on the internet... and I thought I knew everything!

Nikki ~ So you are a former performer, eh? I've always wanted to audition for the monologues, but have never got up the nerve.


Well I've ASL-interpreted the performances, for the Deaf, which is the next best thing (performing someone else's material). But I've also considered the latter... maybe we'll get brave together.

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